Learning to Forgive is never easy

Anytime someone uses your vulnerabilites to harm you over an over again it is something that stays with you. Over time you  become consumed with hate and a mere shell of the person you were before the abuse. I had started being short tempered with my family, critizing everyone, pushing more and more people away and hating myself more and more everyday. I was becoming just like my abuser.

Realizing what you are becoming doesn't happen right away. It actually took me a good year after I left my abuser to see it, and that was only because I continued to push my support system away and just be a mean, miserable bitch to everyone. I hated what I had become. Counseling is expensive, and being a single mom at the time made it impossible for me to do. I knew I needed something that I could do on my own time with little investment...I bought a few self help books.

Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One was the first book I read. This book addresses the things a person needs to do in order to heal, otherwise you will bring your issues into your next relationship, or end up with another abuser. It was hard but I had to find a way to forgive my abuser. I knew hell would freeze over before I ever received an apology from him but being the bigger person and forgiving him for all of the horrible things he put me and our kids through gave me a since of peace. I felt like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The tightness I always experienced in my chest was gone.

Learning to forgive is so important.  Once you do, then you can work on trying to love yourself again, because you have to learn to love yourself before you can ever expect someone else to love you and respect you.