Filing for divorce and leaving the state Part 1

Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows how difficult it is, now going through a divorce with an abuser is just pure hell! The legal system just doesn't take domestic abuse seriously and it disgust me!!!! There were times that I was treated as though I may have deserved it. I remember meeting with my first attorney and telling my story to him. He gave me some hope but that was just to get me to put my retainer down. Once he got his money it was like I was paying him to represent my husband.

When I filed for divorce I advised the attorney that I wanted to be the one to tell my husband I filed and have him served at home rather than at work, because I truly believe that if he had been embarrassed in anyway at his place of employment he may kill me or beat me really bad. I knew no matter what it would be ugly but I wanted to do it on my terms.

The Night I told my husband I filed for divorce was a horrible night. He screamed in my face, dragged me by my hair across the room, ripped my clothes off of me called me a whore, threw a table at me and hit me in the back of my head several times all while begging me to stay. The kids were in the other room sleeping. I was so use to this kind of behavior that all I could think about during those events was that I will never have to deal with this again. I was wrong.

Weeks went by where he would stay away from the house for a few days but would come home on the weekends to watch the kids while I worked nights at a hospital. When my final day of work would come and go he would refuse to leave and start the abuse all over again. Every evening that I would leave for work he would follow me out to my car spitting on me the whole way while accusing me of fucking all the doctors at the hospital. I was at a point that I couldn't even cry anymore. I felt like I was just a body walking around with no sign of a soul.

At this point I had already been failed by the legal system when it came to my order of protection (Which is in an earlier post if your interested). I would call my attorney, my mother (who I had finally confided in regarding the years of abuse) and she would call my attorney asking "What the hell is she suppose to do if the law cannot protect her or those kids!" I was told the same thing by my attorney everytime..."You can't leave the state because it is considered kidnapping, and you will end up losing your parental rights." I will risk losing my rights to my children all because I no longer want to be a victim???? How is that right!?! I was at a loss and all I wanted to do was die, because as long as I was alive these kids would suffer and my only support system was states away.

Well the breaking point for me was when I came home one morning after working a 12/hr shift and all because I didn't do the dishes the night before I left for work I was knocked to the floor and was kicked repeatedly in the stomach all while watching the most horrific site. I laid there and watched my little 10 month old baby crawling towards me crying as her dad was kicking me, and then I looked over and saw my 5 year old just sitting at the table coloring and showing no emotion whatsoever to what was happening. It didn't even phase her since she was so used to seeing him abuse me. That is an image I will never forget. That image was why I packed all the clothes, and toys I could the next day while he was at work and started heading back to my home state which was 9 hours away. I refused to answer his calls while I traveled but did leave him a note letting him know where I would be with our kids. I left on Jan 6, 2006, and I was never forced to return to TN with the kids.

I ended up firing my attorney and hiring a female attorney who really put up a fight for me. Was she the best attorney? No but she believed me, and believed everything he was doing was wrong. I remember when I had her by my side for our first mediation. We did mediation in seperate rooms, and the male mediator was taking my husband side so needless to say my attorney told the mediator that the meeting was over. I am sorry but I though mediators were suppose to be a neutral party????? We actually had our temporary custody hearing the same day also. What saved my butt through all of this was the fact that I had past bosses of my ex husband, and his aunt who witnessed the abuse show up to court as witnesses about his anger issues. The judge granted me temporary custody and allowed me to stay in Florida with the kids. That was the first big win for me, and gave me some hope that my years of hell would finally come to an end. Needless to say my exhusband decided to use the divorce proceedings as another way to abuse me.