When the legal system doesn't protect you

During my marriage we frequently moved because I wanted to believe that going somewhere new would make the abuse stop. I grew up in the South and so did my husband, and after discovering that he was miserable living in my home state I agreed to move states away to where he grew up just to see if things got better. Well naturally that didn't happen! He was just as miserable there being near his family, I was miserable being so far away from mine, so we up and moved again to a different state that was considered the halfway point for both of our families.

Though things always seemed better at first within a couple months he was right back to the abuse. After years of dealing with the abuse and living a couple states away from my only support system, I finally reached my breaking point and decided that I was going to get out of this situation one way or another. I dreamed of being able to flee with my children to my home state but discovered that it was not possible after speaking to an attorney because it would then be considered kidnapping. So since I knew I would never be able to move I had to take action and protect myself and my kids.

I first started filing police reports on nights before I went into work, so that I would have record of the abuse. It was then that the local sheriffs office referred me to Haven of Hope an organization that would help victims of abuse take appropriate action and have a support system. So I followed there steps and filed for an order of protection. This order would allow a judge to ban my husband from the home, and even calling me. If he as much as made a phone call to me, he could be arrested. I finally started to see a glimmer of hope. I was assigned a court date, and told the officers where they could find him to serve him. He was still living at home at the time, so I needed to have a plan of where me and the kids would stay once I knew he would be served, because I honestly felt like he would kill me or take off with my girls.

I stayed with an Aunt of his that I confided in about the abuse who happened to be the only relative in the state, and she agreed to let me and the girls stay there. Then the court date came! I was so nervous and scared but also a little excited, because I was finally going to get out of this miserable situation and feel protected by the law. Well needless to say my excitement turned into sheer terror. As I sat in the courtroom I looked around to see if he showed up, and noticed that he was not there. It was my turn to go up before the judge and get my order of protection granted, but the judge instead informed me that the officers dropped the ball and never served my husband so there was no way he could grant me the order of protection.

I left the courtroom bawling. I had to go home the next day, back into that environment and endure the daily abuse. He of course refused to leave and I had worn out my welcome at his aunts. I did everything right that my attorney advised me to do, that the Haven of Hope rep told me to do, yet the system failed me!!!! They failed my kids!!!!!!! I remember thinking that day that there is no hope for me. I will end up dead one way or another...by him, or by my own hands.